Johnny Vegas

My Weekend

A perfect weekend would be just pottering around with my son Michael and (girlfriend) Maia. Getting out on the bikes and going somewhere for lunch. Just simple family time, really.
This weekend I’m going to London and collecting my son. We’re getting the train up here to St Helens and we’ll be doing his official Christmas list for Father Christmas. We’re going to start making some decorations as well.
That’s what I’ll normally do at weekends, either seeing my son or travelling to Dublin to see Maia.
When the little un’s up, what’s on the TV is pretty much dictated by him. He’s six but he’ll watch The X-Factor. That’s when I go in the back room and... ‘that reminds me, I must pull those fingernails’. I’m really not a fan of any of the Saturday night reality stuff.
I don’t watch much TV. It’s mainly movies. I’m a bit of a film buff. I’ll go through phases of only watching indie films or British films, then I’ll go off on a tangent and watch only sci-fi. At the moment it’s the Aussie comedies, like Summer Heights High.
I do watch films with Michael, like Wall-E. That’s a beautiful film.
I tell you what I watched the other night that I’ve been putting off because I didn’t want it to end - the final series of The Sopranos.
I swear to God I watch a box set of it then I’m wandering around in a white vest. I just get Tony-sized.
People were saying the final scene was a cop-out but I like things being left open-ended, rather than it being sewn up in a neat little package.
I love cookery shows but I’m not the cook. If Michael is up and watching something with my nephew in the other room, we’ll be watching Saturday Kitchen. It’s our big treat.
Maia’s the cook. I used to think that I could cook all right but then when you’re with someone who can cook, you just despise your own cooking.
I have lost a bit of weight. Some have said six stone but I genuinely don’t know because I haven’t weighed myself. I can only measure it in M&S sizes. I’ve gone from a 46” to a 38” (waist).
Well, I was until I went filming (Benidorm) out in Spain where everything was deep-fried. I’m sure if a professional tailor measured me at the moment... there’s a quite a bit of overhang going on. And a little bit of denial.
I’m not a gym man, no. I do want to get back in to my skipping. I do. It’s the best one for weight loss. Boxers do it.
No. I’m not in to the communal experience of gyms. I have a rowing machine and mini-gym upstairs in my house... that has remained untouched for 14 months. I should never have put them upstairs. I’d probably use them if they weren’t forty steps away.

Johnny Vegas will compere the Just The Tonic Xmas Special at the Royal Concert Hall, featuring Jim Jefferies, Will Smith and others, on Monday December 21. For tickets call 0115 989 5555.

OOiZiT.com

November 2009



Unsigned bands could soon be sitting alongside some of the world’s biggest music stars in the UK charts thanks to a new website.
Launched this month, OOiZit.com gives bands without a record deal the chance to sell their music as downloads from the site.
Not only does all the profit from each sale go to the band but if they sell enough downloads, they could be joining the likes of U2 and Madonna in the Top 40.
“A local band without a record deal could quite feasibly have a hit single by using this service,” said Tom Fearn, OOiZiT.com founder, which has its base in Basford.
He has been developing the idea for the past two years.
“I had a lot of friends in bands so I was aware of the frustrations of trying to get their music heard and recognised. And I could see how popular social networking websites such as Facebook were but didn’t have the necessary tools for bands to sell their music.”
The 27-year-old is one of 12 people running the website, which has been recognised nationally with features on Sky TV, BBC Radio 1, The Guardian and The Times.
“We launched just three weeks ago and we have 1,200 bands and musicians signed up already,” said Tom.
Subscribers create a profile on the website, including photos, biographical information, gig dates and, most importantly, music. Songs can be listened to for free by anyone visiting the site.
If an artist pays £10 a month for the Premium package, then they can have their songs downloaded by paying customers.
“They can charge whatever they like for a song or a whole album and 100% goes to the artist.”
The website is attracting around 3,000 visitors every week.
“It is early days but we are selling quite a lot of tracks already. We made our first payout this week of £70. Another has so far earned more than £100.”
Nottingham indie band The Swiines (CORR) have signed up to the service.
“I think it could be massive,” said guitarist Adi Young.
“I first heard about it from another Nottingham band and we signed up straight away. The obvious comparison is MySpace but with OOiZit you can sell your music.
“You can also get detailed statistics about number of plays, downloads, visits... and there are a lot of promotional tools to use to get your name out there.
“It costs us £10 a month but it’s well worth it. There are four of us so it’s £2.50 each a month for something that could get us in the charts.”
The big difference from other social networking sites such as MySpace or Reverbnation is that any sales count towards the official chart. The Official UK Charts Company draws from over 6,200 shops and website.
“Every sale that is made through OOiZit.com is now eligible for the charts,” said Tom.
“And to register on the charts these days, you’re not talking about millions, it’s more like thousands.”
In recent years sales of just 3,000 have resulted in a placing in the Top 40. The average Top 10 single will have sold around 25,000 copies, while 133,000 is usually enough to reach No. 1.
“We’re handing all the power back to the music artist. We’re like an independent record label and a download store rolled in to one.”
Tom, who has a background in digital marketing, said OOiZit.com is open to everyone.
“It’s for anyone making music, whether you’ve just picked up a guitar or spent months in a recording studio.”

Bunny & The Bull

November 2009


Although most of what you’ll see on screen was filmed here, unlike Control or any of Shane Meadows’ offerings, Bunny And The Bull won’t be a much of a game for those who enjoy spotting familiar locations.
Last year, director Paul King and his film crew decamped to the University of Nottingham’s studios (formerly Carlton TV) for five weeks -- and for six days of each didn’t see a great deal of daylight.
“We really didn’t move that much from the studio,” he laughs.
“But we had some good times in Nottingham. We were in the Playhouse bar every night.”
He adds: “We didn’t go out that much. The only time we really went out was when Noel came up. He’s such an extraordinary force of nature. His character’s like this drunk matador and he’s supposed to get a bit drunker as the film goes on. And he got in to character by not going to bed. He was up for just a couple of days but didn’t get any sleep. I don’t know how he does that.
“The Playhouse bar shut around 1am and we wanted to be in bed before then anyway. But Noel he took Simon (Farnaby, who plays Bunny) out and found some bloke to open up his pub especially for them.”
He adds: “So he was really good fun to have up.”

The film also features the other half of the Boosh frontmen, Julian Barratt but it’s not The Mighty Boosh on the big screen.
“I don’t want people going thinking that and going ‘oh, they were only in it for ten minutes’. I don’t want anyone to feel ripped off. Like going to a Steven Seagal movie when he dies in the first three minutes.”
King, who met Fielding and Barratt as a driver, didn’t write Bunny And The Bull for his leading men but suggested they may want to make a brief appearance.
“They knew I’d been writing it and I said, ‘there’s a little part for you if you fancy doing it’. I sent them the script and it was terrifying. Like your mum watching you in the school play. These guys are top notch comedy writers and this was my first effort. But they were so supportive.
“We are a bit like a happy family on the Boosh.”
Bunny And The Bull is the story of Stephen (Edward Hogg), a shy geek recalling a disastrous trek around Europe with his best friend Bunny.
The inspiration for King was partly the grim travels with his parents as a child and an interrailing journey through Europe.
“I did it a bit late in life,” he admits.
“I was 30 and not 17, which is when you should do it. I wanted the life-changing experience but didn’t get it. It’s like you have an idea of what Poland may be like but you get there and it’s a bit like a car park.
“I liked the idea of setting a road movie where it’s all a bit skewed. Because memories tend to be distorted and exaggerated. I thought it would be good that the way it looked reflected the character’s psychological state. So it starts with simple late seventies Paddington Bear-style animation and gets progressively weirder.”

The IT Crowd’s Richard Ayoade also appears, an old college buddy of King’s, whose first job was driving comedians to gigs.
“That’s how I met Noel and Julian.”
His next project is a world away from Boosh or Bunny territory.
“I’m writing a script for Paddington Bear: The Movie, which is a potentially bigger project, if it happens. In case it doesn’t I’m also writing a film about a tramp who exists in multiple dimensions. Which is a bit more up my street. The next smash flop. Seen by up to 12 people worldwide.”
Bunny And The Bull was filmed here thanks to the financial input and support in terms of crew and location, of Nottingham’s EM Media.
“They were great. I sound like Lewis Hamilton bigging up my sponsor,” he laughs.
“But they helped get a lot of local art and film students who did loads of stuff on the film, like model making, for free. So much was done on good will. I’d say half the people involved weren’t paid.
“30 or so volunteers would come down every day and work ridiculous hours. They were getting RSI from folding tiny bits of newspaper... and we didn’t even give them lunch. Which was awful.
“But the film couldn’t afford it.”
The budget for The Bunny And The Bull was £1m.
“It’s a lot if you’re buying a house but not if you are making a film.”
Boosh fans will recognise the visual surrealism. Is this what he does? Is this his schtick?
“Well, I hope not. If someone gives me 100 million dollars I’ll try and give you something that looks a bit less homemade.
“And we’ll pay the people from Nottingham’s art school,” he laughs.
“Well, maybe we’ll get them a sandwich.”

Review: Beyoncé, Trent FM Arena

November 20 2009



It was a performance that raised the bar for production values. A bar so out of reach of most pop performers, they shouldn’t even try.

This was Beyoncé, finishing the UK leg of her I Am... Tour at the Trent FM Arena last night and as one fan said after the show: “Highlight? I don’t know where to start”.

It could have been when she ‘flew’ on to a circular stage in the middle of the arena and performed a medley of Destiny’s Child hits.

This will have been the highlight for Roy, a middle-aged man picked out by Beyoncé during the thirty minute set and serenaded with Say My Name - a request he initially responded to with a hilarious “sorry, what?” This exchange was projected on to the huge definition screen that served as more than just a backdrop.



It could have been when she sang At Last, while images of the civil rights movement in the US segued to the inauguration of Barack Obama (huge cheer), at which Beyoncé performed that very song.

For others the strongest image will have been the Michael Jackson tribute during the closing number, Halo: “Michael we can see your halo, I pray you won’t fade away.”

As home movie footage of her singing as a child played, the 27-year-old explained it was during this time she “discovered the magic of Michael Jackson”.

In the steady shuffle out of the arena afterwards, a couple could be overheard discussing this as the moment that had them in tears.



For a girl in the front row the highlight may have been the one-to-one, as Beyoncé’ had 9,000 plus people (of course it was a sell-out despite the £49.50-£75 tickets) wish her a happy birthday.

For others, it was the song (and video) of the year: Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), introduced with clips from the numerous videos uploaded on to YouTube, copying the booty-shaking moves, before she showed us how it’s done.

For me it was the sheer scale of the production. Like Jackson she understands the importance of exceeding expectations, putting on a show like no other and not being afraid to invest whatever it takes to achieve that.

That said it wasn’t perfect.



The surprise warm-up at 8pm, when we expected to see Beyoncé, meant another hour to wait. The English singer Julian Perretta and his band, like a junior Toploader, were out of their depth in such company. His album “is out in February” we were told, repeatedly.

Even Beyoncé can improve. The middle section had too many short song shifts that failed to gather momentum.

At times the sound was distorted and muddy, a bass and drum sludge that shook the place. You couldn’t always hear what she was saying and the video footage was often inaudible.

The ‘I’m overwhelmed by your love’ expressions were a tad cheesy.

A spirit-dampener for a predominantly female audience were the nagging security, repeatedly instructing us not to take photographs and to stand within designated areas.



As she herself asked: “Noddinghairm, did y’all come to dance?”

We had. And the drones in the yellow sweatshirts weren’t going to stop us.

But the dry ice, the lighting, the glitter bombs, the backdrop, the choreography, the costumes changes, the interaction, the humour, The Mamas, her elbow-length hair that was constantly blown out by wind machines, the menacing UFO-style lighting pods, for her alter-ego Sasha Fierce, for her vocal ability during Ave Maria, for If I Were A Boy, Survivor, Broken Hearted Girl, Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) and Halo... this was the greatest show of the year.

Perhaps the decade.

Arctic Monkeys

November 2009



What does a modern rock n roll band get up to on tour these days? You want some sex ‘n’ drugs with that, lads?
Nah.
Ping pong.
“We have ping pong balls on the rider,” says Matt Helders, Arctic Monkeys’ drummer - you can spot him as he’s the one still sporting short hair.
No crates of Crystal, no blocks of skunk, no top heavy groupies?
“We’ve got a ping pong table on the tour with us. That’s the sort of thing you can do in these big places.”
These big places are arenas, the venues of necessity for the Sheffield four, who are touring their third No. 1 album, Humbug. They’ve been to the US and Japan and now it’s our turn.
Word has it they’re so un-rock ‘n’ roll that they’ve a healthy selection of food and fluid on the rider as well as ping pong balls.
“Nah,” insist Helders.
“We once decided to try and have a healthy one and we took crisps and chocolate off. That lasted about a month.
“We thought riders were funny ideas when were first started touring and that’s why we’d put silly things on them but we’ve calmed down now. These days it’s just the usual.”
Like what?
“Tequila. Last night we had a bit of a margarita night.”
Helders in Amsterdam when we speak but the tour is now in over here and heading for the Trent FM Arena on Sunday.
They’ve already played Rock City and prior to the release of their debut album a few lucky folk saw them at The Social.
“We also did The Old Vic pub before that,” he says of the venue now home to Escucha in Fletcher Gate.
“We did a few gigs there. We got a few fans that we got to know from (Nottingham) and they sorted us a few gigs.”
Aside from having the room to swing a table tennis bat around, how different is it doing arenas?
“It’s just bigger,” he says, typically dour.
“By now we’ve done big gigs and festivals and stuff so we’re prepared for these gigs. But the whole day is different. There’s loads to do, there’s loads of rooms and catering and all that. I like it.”
Of course, Arctic Monkeys drew on a Nottingham legend for the title of their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not, a line from the Alan Sillitoe novel Saturday Night And Sunday Morning, turned in to a movie in 1960, starring Albert Finney.
“We watched it together the first time we went on a tour bus. Someone from our label gave us a box of DVDs to watch. And we all kind of latched on to that (phrase).”
He can’t recall who suggested using the line for the album title.
“But we were all in to it.”
Were you saying it each other like a catchphrase?
“Not really. Maybe like you do when you watch a film and say lines out of it for the next day or whatever.”
The album topped the chart and hailed the arrival of the most important British band of the noughties. They followed that with Favourite Worst Nightmare, which also topped the UK chart, as did current album Humbug, despite a shift in style.
It’s less indie and more seventies rock. Was that down to songwriter Alex Turner, dictating a new direction?
“No, we all naturally went that way,” says Helders.
“It wasn’t like we had to try to do something different.”
Much like Radiohead with Kid A who leapt away from the successful anthem guitar formula of The Bends and OK! Computer with the electronic Kid A.
“Yeah, exactly. There’s a bit of trust that you’ll do something good even if it’s different.”
He adds: “It didn’t really take shape until we’d finished recording because we’d recorded loads of songs and they were the ten that best fit together. They made for the better record.
“There are some that aren’t miles away from the second record that we’ll probably have as b-sides.”
Key to the new sound was recruiting Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme to produce the album.
The QOTSA drummer Joey Castillo now plays with The Eagles Of Death Metal, the band supporting the Arctic Monkeys on this tour.
To mark that change of style, all of them grew their hair. All except Matt.
“It’s a bit long now, it’s a bit of an afro,” he laughs.
“It grows up instead of down.”
He doesn’t know how far he will take it.
“I’ve never been beyond this point before so we’ll see.”
Aside from the new sound and new look, he reckons his life hasn’t changed much since the beginning of the year.
“It’s gone too fast for there to have been anything major to happen. It’s all been work pretty much. Though it doesn’t feel like it obviously. It’s a laugh.”
Despite the band’s massive success Helders says he’s rarely recognised in the street. Except when he’s back home in Sheffield.
“It happens every day but it’s not like people following you or screaming or owt.”
The band still live around the Sheffield area except Turner who moved to New York with his TV presenter girlfriend Alexa Chung earlier this year.
“I’m away that much at the moment that it’s good to go back to somewhere familiar,” says Helders.
“It would be hard to get settled at the moment anyway. As soon as you move in, you go away again. I moved house about a year ago just before we started going on tour and it still doesn’t feel like I’ve properly moved in yet.”
The house move prompted stories that he’d bought a Sheffield pub.
“That was a bit of a mix up. A couple of us mates had a bar in Sheffield and I had a shop above it that sold clothes. That didn’t last that long but I had a bit of a dabble. I’d done some stuff with a (clothing) brand before the band called Supreme Being. I’ve done a couple of ranges for them.”
Based on scruffy street wear?
“Yeah, pretty much.”
Helders has been described as both as the band’s “cheeky monkey” and “the quiet, amiable diplomat”. So which is he?
“Probably the first. I’m not that quiet.”
They all have girlfriends. And having musically revisited the seventies with this album, perhaps the next will be a love album of electro eighties.
“Well, yeah I suppose so. An eighties love album. Maybe that’s what’s next.”
Or even a collaboration with P Diddy, his new best mate.
“I haven’t been in touch with him for a bit. And I dropped my phone in the sink last night and I haven’t let him know yet. He might be trying to get hold of me.”
He’s a japester. So it’s cobblers then?
“You what?”
That you’re mates with P Diddy.
“No, it’s true. We met in Miami and we stayed in touch.”
How does that work?
“I don’t know,” he laughs.
You’re both musicians but you’re from different worlds.
“I know what you mean. I think that’s what’s funny about it. I have other mates I haven’t necessarily got much in common with but there’s something about them.”
So what have he and Diddy done as buddies?
“I went to his studio. He took me in his Lambourgini.”
When are you getting one?
“I’m hoping he’ll give me his.”
How do his other mates back home in Sheffield react to such stories?
“They can see the funny side, like I do. It’s all a bit of laugh innit? At first they couldn’t believe it. They thought it was hilarious.”
Such earthy humour is, he says, good to keep him grounded.
“That’s why it helps to go back there.”
Aside from Tequila and table tennis, on the tour Helders has been catching up on some classic fiction.
“I’ve only just read Catcher In The Rye. I’m late on that I know but that were amazing.”
He admits keeping up with new bands isn’t easy when they’re on the road and his last visit to Spotify was to listen to Beyonce - in Spanish.
“It’s even better than the English stuff,” he laughs.
“It’s quite funny. Someone who works for us speaks Spanish so I was getting him to translate. It’s different to the English version because they have to change the words to make them fit.”
And the whole band have been watching The Wire.
“I had to watch the first three episodes of the first series about nine times before I got it but then once I was in I was hooked. Alex and John, who plays keyboards for us, have just finished the whole lot. They had quite a sad day afterwards as they’d got quite attached to it. I’ve still got a series left to watch and you don’t want it to end.”
Helders has also been repeatedly watching Curb Your Enthusiasm.
“I really love that. Between that and The Wire it’s a good day.”
And what, pray, does a member of Britain’s biggest band think of The X-Factor?
“I like the first bit when they’re all crap. But then it gets a bit serious. Then it’s just annoying.”
There still a few production tickets available for the gig that were put on sale last week.
Gig

Arctic Monkeys, Eagles Of Death Metal, Trent FM Arena, Sunday November 22.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks: KWS

November 2009
A former Nottingham pop star will be back on TV tonight for the first time in nearly 20 years.
Chris King, singer with KWS, who topped the singles chart with Please Don’t Go in 1992, will appear on the BBC2 music quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
Celebrity contestants will be asked to pick him out of a line-up.
“I’m not a regular viewer of the programme but I’d seen it a few times so I knew what to expect,” said Chris, 53, from Mapperley, who travelled to the London TV studios to pre-record the show last month.
“I knew I’d stand there in a line-up and they’d take the mickey,” he laughed.
“But not out of me so much. The other guys in the line-up were all bold. I was the only one with hair. They didn’t look anything like me. I felt like a diamond.”
All were dressed identically in jeans and a T-shirt, as Chris was in the Please Don’t Go video, which was shown to the studio audience but not the panelists. He admitted not really knowing who all the panelists were, although he did recognise The Office actor Martin Freeman, the show’s guest host and regular team captain Phill Jupitus. “They had Dappy (from N-Dubz) on it and he was hilarious. I watched the recording from the green room. They were cracking all these jokes and he wasn’t reacting because he just didn’t get any of them. He’s unreal that one.” Other guests included TV critic Charlie Brooker, The Inbetweeners star Simon Bird and songbird Martha Wainwright. The opposing team captain was The Mighty Boosh’s Noel Fielding.
“It was a good experience. I was there for about four hours. They rehearse it all and there’s about two hours of filming that goes on which is edited down to the half-hour show. My bit was basically standing there and letting them take the mickey.”
It was the Post who put the programme’s researchers in touch with Chris, who now runs Classic Lambrettas, restoring vintage scooters in Colwick.

Please Don’t Go also reached the Top 10 in the US and Australia.
“I remember those days fondly, of course,” he said.
“And people around Nottingham do talk to me about KWS still to this day, which is nice.”
The group, which also included Winnie Williams and Delroy St Joseph, had four more Top 40 hits in the early nineties: Rock Your Baby; Hold Back the Night and Ain't Nobody (Loves Me Better) and The More I Get The More I Want.
They were nominated for Best British Newcomer at the 1993 Brit Awards.
“I saw Delroy not long ago in Mapperley so he’s still knocking around and I believe Winnie is teaching in Scandinavia. He looks me up whenever he’s over.”
Chris, who started DJing at the Palais at the age of 16, still plays Northern Soul nights around the country.
“It was a laugh,” he said of his Buzzcocks experience.
“And I got paid.”

My Weekend: Hazel O'Connor

November 2009



On a Friday night, if I'm not gigging, I'd go to a tai chi class just up the road in Wicklow, where I live. I'm primarily living in Ireland but I have a place in France as well. It was a wreck when I bought it and I've been renovating it myself over the past few years.
Tai chi energises me and makes me feel supple and well. After that I'll go to Ping's to get my special veggie takeaway. They make me a veggie version of Peking duck, which I used to love before I became a veggie in 1984.
I'd eat that watching the catch-up of EastEnders, then The Dog Whisperer. If you like dogs it's brilliant. It's compulsive viewing. He's a Mexican dog psychologist and an amazing character.
I've got three nutty dogs so a large part of every day is walking them. I had a wolfhound once and he used to be so happy when I came home that he'd launch into a sprint along the whole acre of my land then back again. If I had guests come in through the gate I'd tell them "just stand here" because if you got in the way of him you'd be knocked flying.
On Saturday morning, if I'm not working, I go to karate, from 10am to 1pm.
I started it when my marriage split up. My mate was taking her son to a class and she said the teacher was really good looking. It was like a school teacher crush. I soon got over it once he'd told me off a few times.
I carried on with it because I found I adored the kiai, the big shout that you do. It was like a release from the end of the marriage and the end of the record company contract bull.
I can't go at the moment because I've eczema on my hands and I can't make a fist. It is stress-related. My mum's very sick at the moment. She's dying. So I wouldn't be surprised if my hands are raging with grief.
I watch Strictly (Come Dancing) because my mum watches it and I have to be up-to-date with what's happening for when we chat.
After I've done karate, I'll have an Irish Japanese lunch. Which sounds strange but my Japanese sensei (teacher) is married to an Irish woman and we always have a bite together.
Then I'll go shopping with them or some friends before walking the dogs, switching on the telly for Strictly and X Factor. My friend's son might be having a party, if we're lucky.
I don't go to pubs because I don't enjoy drinking.
On Sunday, if it's a nice sunny day, I will do the gardening jobs that need doing then go up the road to a hotel because there's always a bit of a craic going on. There might be the Sunday market there or you'd bump into people so I'd hang out for a couple of hours.
I've read every one of Alison Weir's books. She's a non-fiction writer of Tudor history, which I love. At the moment I'm reading about the life of Thomas More but Peter Ackroyd, the author, keeps putting phrases in old English that I don't understand. That does my head in.
When it comes to fiction it's Stephen King. I love the way he writes characters.
On Sunday night it's The X Factor again, which I've watched from the beginning for the first time. And it's fascinating. It's like the last days of decadent Rome when they had gladiators in the Colosseum. It's bloody mad.

Hazel O'Connor: Beyond The Breaking Glass, Palace Theatre, Newark, Saturday November 14, 7.30pm, £17/£14.50, 01636 655 755

JLS

November 2009

They are the biggest new boy band of the noughties, currently sitting at the top of the singles chart and battling with Robbie Williams for the No. 1 album this Sunday. Their show next February at Nottingham's Royal Concert Hall is a sell-out. So, granted a chat with one of the JLS four, there was only one thing to ask: What are you wearing?
"Some boots, some jeans and a T-shirt," says Marvin Humes, without missing a beat.
Well, it makes a change from the usual questions he's repeatedly had to answer over the past few months since they turned around losing to Alexandra Burke in last year's X Factor final and a rejection by Simon Cowell's record label SyCo, to become the decade's hottest boy band property.
What do they think of Cowell? Do they watch the X Factor? Who is the fittest, Cheryl or Dannii? Actually...
If you are the last man on Earth, with just two women left, Dannii and Cheryl, who do you pick?
"Cheryl for me," he says.
"Dannii's lovely, I love Dannii, she's a sweet girl but Cheryl's just perfect. Very hot."
It was their performance of the current No. 1 single Everybody In Love on the show two weeks ago that gave the X-Factor its series peak with an audience of nearly 14 million.
Humes, who was named after Marvin Gaye ("I was born the year after he died"), is in a room at his record company HQ in London. The label treats them well: at September's MOBO awards in Glasgow the quartet turned up in individual, chauffeured Lotus sports cars.
After picking up awards for Best Newcomer and Best Song, Marvin, Aston Merrygold, Jonathan "JB'" Gill and Oritsé Williams were sent into a room to handpick designer clothes and jewellery. "It's not all the time," says Marvin. "The MOBO Awards had a gifting lounge. We're very fortunate. We do get a lot of freebies, which is great.
"Christmas is taken care of, really."
He's diplomatic about the album battle with Robbie on Sunday; their self-titled debut is vying for the No.1 spot with Williams' comeback release, Reality Killed The Video Star.
"You know what, for us, just to be up against someone like Robbie is incredible," is all he'll say.
The album features nine songs co-written by JLS – unusual for any boy band.
"Yeah, it is, for an act coming out of X Factor. We've been extremely lucky. The label put us in the studio for two months and said, If you come up with the goods they'll make the album."
JLS had been together a year before they entered the X Factor.
"The name came from our British identity," says Marvin. Jack the Lad Swing was a composite of their cheeky onstage persona and the US music genre New Jack Swing that had produced Jodeci and Boyz II Men.
As the eldest of the four, is he, perhaps, the sensible one?
"I'd think the boys would say I am because I'm the oldest but we've all got a sensible streak in us."
Aston gets the most attention, he admits, but not because he's better looking.
"He was like the lead singer towards the end of the X Factor. He's very popular with the fans and hence, popular with the ladies."
And Aston has family in Nottingham, he reveals. Scream! We'll say no more. We don't want you lot camping outside their homes...

'I taught Jacko the Moonwalk'

November 2009

They first met in 1979 after a concert by The Jacksons in Los Angeles. "There was an afterparty at this swanky restaurant in Beverly Hills," says Jeffrey Daniel, then the frontman of disco group Shalamar.
"I waited for an opportunity to go over and he was like (sings) 'the second time around...'
"This is after his sold-out concert and he's singing the chorus to my song. That's just how cool he was.
"But I didn't know at that time that he was already a fan of my dancing."
They became friends and Daniel would teach Jackson a number of dance moves, most famously the moonwalk. But where did he get that from?
"From the dance group The Electric Boogaloos and it was called the Backslide. But I wanted to do it right across the stage with Shalamar so I adapted it with long slides."
Daniel also choreographed Michael's Bad and Smooth Criminal videos (in which he also featured) and was creative consultant on a number of live tours.
Which is why the film Michael Jackson's This Is It, essentially a collection of clips from The King Of Pop's rehearsals for his planned 02 Arena shows, is familiar territory for Daniel.
"I'll have a different reaction from the general audience because I worked with him for such a long time," says Daniel, who saw the film at its London premiere last week.
He adds: "He was putting together some pretty nice visuals. And I've never seen him wear that many costumes before. That was pretty interesting for me. But what else can I say? It wasn't meant for public viewing but that's all we have left."
So what was he like?
"Extremely smart, more socially-conscious than most people would give him credit for and a very hard-worker. I know everything sounds cliched but it's all true."
Daniel learned to dance from an early age.
"We were raised in the projects (state-funded housing) area of east Los Angeles and dancing was just what we did in our neighbourhood. It was our culture.

"I loved it and it kept me away from things I shouldn't have been doing. I couldn't drink and dance. And I was never into drugs, even cigarettes. I was only into dancing and music."
His mother, who raised her three children as a single parent, was a classical pianist and ran a church choir, so music, like dancing, was a big part of his childhood.
"I was listening to The Beatles, Sonny and Cher, The Monkees, The Turtles, then Motown and Ray Charles. Being in California I was listening to it all."
After success as a dancer on the US TV show Soul Train, he formed Shalamar – a band that sold 25 million albums and had worldwide hits with A Night to Remember, Friends and There it is.
Shalamar are credited with introducing West Coast Street Dance into Europe, sparking a craze of body popping and robotics.
After the group split he went back to dance teaching. Daniel now lives in Japan.
He'll be teaching his moves at a masterclass at Dance Doctors in Long Eaton on November 16, part of which will include a Q&A session. Isn't he worried that these will be hijacked by questions about Michael Jackson?
"Well, that's obviously going to be a factor but if they're coming just to find out about Michael then when we get to the dancing they're going to walk out sore," he laughs.

The last time he spoke to Michael Jackson was around two years ago.
His death is bizarre, he added. "None of it makes much sense to me, still to this day."
He adds: "I think we, the people that really knew him, regret that we weren't there to say 'hey, what the hell's going on?'"
His fondest memory in the 30 years he knew Jackson was at Neverland.
"It was just the two of us walking together one night. We were going to see Toy Story in his cinema and we just talked. Not business, just life, children, family, girlfriends, wives, what we want to do... and that's something I'll treasure for the rest of my life."

Jeffrey Daniel will present a masterclass at Dance Doctors Studios, 3 C West End Mills, 2 Leopold Street, Long Eaton, on Monday, November 16 at 5pm (beginners) and 7pm (advanced). Tickets are £25, call 0115 946 4822 or visit www.dancedoctors.co.uk.