AFTER appearances on 8 Out of 10 Cats, The Friday Night Project and Sean Lock’s 15 Storeys High, Rob Rouse is heading out on a major UK tour with his show My Family.... and the Dog That Scared Jesus to Edinburgh.
It’s a journey through his adult life, as a father, comic and troubled owner of a permanently aroused mongrel named Ronnie.
Do you have any superstitions?
Not really, but I think I have a mild touch of OCD. It generally involves turning the gas off and the lights and pulling out plugs, then simply encasing the entire house in concrete just to be sure.
What’s the most expensive item you’ve ever bought, not including property?
A trail of ridiculously impractical ‘seemed like a bargain at the time’ cars I've travelled around in during my career, that either break down, go bang, or fall to bits.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
My girlfriend said ‘If you buy another **** car I'll leave and take the boy with me.’
When was the last time you cried?
I got stuck in the Middle East because of the volcano. I'd been away too long and I missed my family. Call me a softie, but that's the truth.
What’s your indulgence?
Buying instruments that I never learn to play properly. I especially enjoy drumming in my shed with my headphones on. My neighbours hate me but it keeps me sane. One day I will release an album, probably on my own label, it will sell one copy. I will buy it.
Who is the most famous name in your mobile phonebook?
I was watching a show the other week where the contestants all had to send a text to a famous person in their phone book and whoever got a call back first won a point. The audience were all losing their minds and screeching with excitement. It made me want to vomit up a lung. Woo-hoo! Look who I know! It's horrible, this obsession with celebs pretty much sums up everything that's wrong with us as a species I think. Or maybe I'm just bitter because there's no one famous in my phone. Or is there...? I bet you guys haven't got Ian's number, or Maureen from the shoe shop.
What item could you not live without?
Without my glasses or contact lenses I'm utterly useless. I'm currently away from home for a few days and woke up this morning to find I hadn't packed them. I had a massive panic then eventually found two lenses at the bottom of my bag covered in bag gunk. I rinsed them off and popped them in, relief! However, they only last a day so I've no idea what I'll do tomorrow. I'll just have to leave trails of wool around London I suppose.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would like to be able to run at 500mph without bumping into people or getting tired. It would make my life so much easier and I'd be really environmentally friendly.
Where are you going on holiday?
Once you've had kids there's no point going on fancy holidays, because toddlers couldn't give a monkeys where they are as long as they've got a few toy cars and a stick to poke things with. There’s just no point going anywhere swish because it'll just get trashed. For that reason we'll go camping. I like camping, I think it feels most like a holiday for me because it's about getting away from stuff. We have a great time, take off in the van, all of us and the dog (minus his cushion), get washed on the sea, fall asleep as the sun goes down, have a fire, burn a few tyres and some plastic... you know, just get back to nature. It's great.
What were you doing this time yesterday?
I was fast asleep on a train, drooling.
What will you be doing this time tomorrow?
Walking somewhere, maybe eating something, possibly on the loo, who knows, my life’s so rock ‘n’ roll it's hard to say really.